


Pretend until the mask cracks

by cashmeare



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Sleepy Bois Inc
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Dadza, Domestic Fluff, Family Dynamics, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Tommyinnit needs a hug, Whump, big brother wilbur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:06:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27383905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cashmeare/pseuds/cashmeare
Summary: Tommy thinks he’s a pretty alright guy. He finds himself pretty funny, and, from some slight inference, he guesses that his friends do too. Until suddenly, they don't. But it's okay, right? Tommy's okay, right? It's easy to pretend online, but much harder in person. So when Tommy finally meets up with Wilbur and Phil in real life, it's no surprise that after months of silently suffering as a result of their comments, he breaks. Luckily, he's got a pseudo big brother and dad to remind him he's loved.Or; Tommy takes the child comments to heart and Wilbur feels bad.
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s), TommyInnit & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Tubbo & Tommyinnit, Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Comments: 32
Kudos: 1484





	1. Tommy pretends

**Author's Note:**

> Anything in italics is Tommy's thoughts. This story includes the description of a panic attack and increasingly self-deprecating thoughts, please make sure to heed these warnings and read at your own risk. Enjoy <3.

Tommy thinks he’s a pretty alright guy. He finds himself pretty funny, and, from some slight inference, he guesses that his friends do too. He enjoys making people laugh, seeing their smiles, and knowing he could brighten their day, even if it was for just a moment. He finds comfort in the fact that he can make Wilbur and Techno laugh, that Toby likes him enough to want to be in a call with him every night, that Deo and Bitzel became some of his best friends, that Freddie and Eryn have stuck around for so long. When he thinks about it, Tommy considers himself pretty lucky, to have such an amazing group of friends around him. 

Tommy does, however, wonder sometimes if he’s a little too much. He sometimes finds himself getting a bit too excited and he wonders if his mates tend to find that as well. Wilbur does complain about him quite often when he thinks about it, about how loud he is, that he’s nothing more than an “annoying child” and that sometimes he “doesn’t know why he hangs out with him”. Tommy likes to pretend that it doesn’t hurt all that much, but he also knows that when you’re told something enough times, chances are, you’ll start to believe it. So, like any other insecure 16 year old, Tommy does start to believe it. It probably doesn’t help that eventually Techno catches onto the bit and joins in, along with Dream, and George, and Sapnap, and Fundy and, it seems, pretty much everyone who plays on the SMP server. Of course, he doesn’t change much, he’s not willing to risk the insane growth on his channel, but if he laughs a little bit quieter and doesn’t start as many bits as before, well that's nobody’s business but his own. 

Tommy is finally going to meet Jschlatt. Someone that, despite claiming relentlessly that he isn’t a fan, has been one of his idols for quite a while. He enjoys the man's Minecraft videos, his ability to captivate an audience without so much as needing any sort of prompt or assistance, but most of all he enjoys how nice the man seems off camera. Without knowing it, the man had quite literally made Tommy’s day upon replying to his question about thumbnails in the Patreon section of his discord. He supposes, however, that he shouldn’t have expected quite the same man to be present whilst filming for his youtube and streaming with him on Twitch. At first, he finds it funny, but the child jokes get annoying after a while, especially when they’re only directed at him and not Tubbo. The more that Schlatt “jokes”, the worse it begins to hurt. But, Tommy takes it all in stride and continues on with his planned bits, attempting to at least gain a little bit of respect from the horned character. But, if Tommy’s laughs get a little bit faker, if his smiles seem a bit more forced, if his “pestering” of Schlatt is a little less enthusiastic, then the man either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care enough to say anything. 

Tommy’s about to play Among Us with Vikstar. As in like, The Vikstar. Like 6.5 million subscribers Vikstar. Despite his constant claiming that him being such a big fan was only “for the bit”, anyone could tell that Tommy idolized the man and was thrilled at the opportunity to play a game with him, even if it was only for a couple of hours. So you can imagine Tommy’s reaction when, upon seeing that Tommy has been killed by an imposter, Vikstar claims; “Whoever did that, thank you. Thank god!”. Tommy pretends to be angry solely for his stream, yelling about the “unfairness of it!”. But on the inside, he decides that it hurts quite a bit. If anyone in the call notices that he doesn’t speak quite so much, doesn’t laugh quite so loud, or bother Vikstar quite so much, at all, then they don’t bring it up.

He’s about to play Among Us again, this time with his normal friend group, so there's not quite as much riding on this stream going well, but he certainly hopes that it doesn’t go quite as poorly as he feels his last Among Us stream went, and for a while, it doesn’t. Then he gets killed again, right at the start of the match, which normally he wouldn’t mind all that much. However, Wilbur, upon realizing Tommy is dead, exclaims, “Thank God! The child’s gone”, a reaction that is far too similar to that of Vikstar in his last Among Us stream, and he's surprised his chat doesn’t comment on how his face drops. Then, as if to rub salt into the wound, despite knowing that it was most certainly Tubbo who murdered him, everyone skips vote, if only to thank Tubbo for “killing off the child so we don’t have to hear his voice”. Tommy begins to count off which of his idols he’s managed to annoy to the point of not wanting to not hear his voice anymore; Vikstar, Jschlatt, Wilbur, Scott, Phil, Quackity. The last 4 of which he managed to do all in one, he decides it must be some sort of record. He can imagine it now, a gold plaque with his name engraved above the words, “Quickest to annoy every single one of his idols in one sitting!”. If any of the aforementioned people notice that he’s not quite so involved in the bits, not quite so quick to point a finger for fear of being voted off simply for being annoying, not quite so loud in his laughing, then none of them say anything about it. 

Despite all of this, Tommy has managed to stay positive for one reason only, it’s only on stream that he seems to annoy everyone. Until one night when he’s on a call with quite a few people, Wilbur, Tubbo, Philza, Eret, Niki, and Fundy, just to name a few. They haven’t ever really done this kind of thing before, with all of them in a call together. It’s quite normal for 2 or 3 of them to be on a call, but for all 7 of them to be on at once when nobody is streaming and they’re all just chilling, that was new. However, Tommy is glad that he doesn’t have to be quite as loud, that he doesn’t have to put on his “stream persona”. He supposes some of that relief comes from the fact that he believes this fully minimizes the risk of annoying anyone. That relief doesn’t last though. He’s not doing much, half-assedly playing bedwars whilst chatting with everyone mindlessly. However, upon being thrown into the void and subsequently losing the game he was in, he lets out a dramatic “nooooo!”. Instead of hearing the questioning laughs, he expected to hear, he can only sit in shock as Fundy shouts “Jesus christ Tommy do you ever shut up!”. The call is quiet for a few moments before Wilbur adds on, “He’s got a point dude, no one's even streaming, you can drop the annoying child act”. This pulls a laugh out of everyone else in the call and Tommy, despite feeling as if his heart has just sunk to his feet, forces himself to join in, muttering a pathetic sounding “sorry” amongst the chuckles. He continues to sit silently in the call for a while, if not to avoid the suspicion of everyone thinking he's just being a baby and leaving just because he got told off for being such an annoying brat. However, after sitting motionless in his chair for a solid 5 minutes, descending further and further into a spiral of depreciating thoughts, his hands move for him and press the unmute button. Despite his best attempts, his voice is still noticeably shaky as he says; “I’m gonna head out guys, got college tomorrow and everything”, right as he goes to leave, deciding he’d rather not to listen to the shouts of joy that would probably greet his ears once he announced his departure, he instead hears Philza, “before you go, mate, are you still coming on Saturday?”. In all of his concern of being too annoying recently, he’d forgotten the one thing he’d been excited for only weeks prior; he’d agreed to meet up with Wilbur, Philza, and then later on Fundy and Niki, on the 13th and it was currently Wednesday the 9th, meaning he had 2 days before he had to face them. Upon this realization, he panics and quickly blurts out; “of course! I wouldn’t miss it for the world!” There's a few murmured “yays”, but Wilburs, very clearly sarcastic, “woohoo”, is the last thing that Tommy hears before clicking off the call, despite hearing Philzas, “Awesome, so I’ll-”. Tommy doesn’t think he can stand any more comments tonight, so instead, he shuts off his computer and crawls into bed, thanking himself for changing into his pajamas before the call. As he lies in the dark, his mind begins to tumble down a tunnel of painful thoughts and he finds himself muttering into the darkness. “Maybe I should’ve listened from the start. Maybe I am just an annoying child. Maybe there's a reason Vikstar doesn’t like me. Maybe there's a reason why I piss Wilbur off so much, why I always get killed first in Among Us. Why Jschlatt still hasn’t had a proper conversation with me. Do they really think I’m just an annoying child? I was just being myself tonight, but I still pissed them off. Maybe I shouldn’t go on Saturday. I’d probably just ruin their day.” It’s with these thoughts that Tommy drifts to sleep and if his face is lined with still wet tear marks, then nobody needs to know.


	2. Tommy stops pretending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy finally meets up with Wilbur and Phil, an unexpected outcome leaves him stranded with the pair at Wilburs apartment for the night, he finally lets the mask drop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like the last chapter, this story includes detailed descriptions of anxiety attacks and anxiety-induced, self-deprecating thoughts of which continually get worse throughout the story. Please heed these warnings and read at your own risk. Enjoy :).

It’s Saturday. It’s Saturday and Tommy’s been so caught up in college that he’s forgotten to tell everyone that he can’t make it today and his dad is already in the car and waiting and it’s too late now. He has to go. 2 weeks ago, this was the most exciting thing happening to him this year, now, his stomach is filled with dread and he’s never been less excited for something. He drags himself to the car, sitting down heavily. His dad notices; “You were bouncing off the walls about this for 2 straight weeks and now you look like you’d find more joy from being shot in the foot, what's going on?”. Tommy should have expected this, should have expected that his dad knew him too well to just blindly accept that Tommy is fine. “No no, I am excited, just nervous I guess, worried that they won’t like me you know”. Instead of responding like he thought he would, his dad just mutters an “ah ok, makes sense”, before starting the car, and suddenly, they’re on their way and Tommy’s blown his one chance of getting out of this. 

They’re here. They’ve arrived in Brighton and they’re sitting on the beach waiting for Phil and Wilbur. Waiting to meet 2 of Tommy’s idols, and all Tommy can think is, “Oh shit, oh fuck, they’re going to find me annoying, they’re going to immediately hate me and send me back home with my dad, fuck fuck fuck”. Then they’re there. Wilbur and Philza are standing in front of him and his dads standing up to greet them and Wilburs grinning like a madman and as soon as he stands up he pulls him into a quick hug. Tommy stands in shock, he didn’t expect such a lovely greeting, but he decides it’s probably just because his dad is standing right there and Wilbur is probably just trying to show him that they’re actually friends and that he’s not just a random dude Tommy met on the internet, so Tommy reciprocates. All the while thinking; “oh god he’s already going to think I’m clingy and annoying, fuck”. They have breakfast, and it’s nice. Wilbur and Phil are both very polite and eagerly engage themselves in a discussion with Tommy’s dad about streaming and youtube. Tommy has somehow been pushed to the side for his father. He sits and eats his breakfast quietly and then takes a stupid photo with Wilbur to post on his Instagram later. Eventually, after a solid 45-minute breakfast, Tommy’s dad decides that he trusts Wilbur and Phil and leaves them. Tommy decides that he wants him back as they walk to the arcade, Phil and Wilbur chatting next to him, because, despite Wilbur and Phil liking his dad more than they like him, at least when his dad was here he had a way to leave if it got to be too much. He supposes he could just run, but he doubts that would go down very well with Wilbur and Phil, so he stays quiet. All through the arcade experience he remains seen but not heard and the moment he can feel himself getting excited he recites the same mantra over and over in his head; “they don’t actually want to hang out with you, you’re just an annoying kid, keep it down.” Unbeknownst to Tommy, however, Wilbur and Phil have noticed his less than enthused mood and have begun shooting worried glances at each other over his head. Whispering to each other that they would figure this out when they sat down to eat in the cafe section of the arcade, Tommy is none the wiser and continues to believe that they’re simply shooting looks of annoyance at each other. 

Right before they’re about to finish up on games Tommy’s phone rings and he looks down and sees his dad's contact flashing on the screen, quickly muttering to Phil that it’s his dad he answers the call and walks slightly away from the group. “Hey Tom, I know this is super sudden and I really didn’t want to have to do this but works just called and they really need me, like a proper emergency, I trust this Wilbur and Phil and I’ve already texted both of them asking if you can stay the night at theirs and hopefully mum can pick you up tomorrow morning, is that ok?”. Tommy's grip on the phone tightens, “you’re serious Dad? This isn’t just some funny bit that Will and Phil have put you up to?”, he hears his dad let out a breathy laugh before a car starts up faintly in the back, it's then that Tommy realizes, no, his dad isn’t joking. He’s going to have to stay the night at Wilbur's with Niki and Fundy. His dad confirms as much; “I’m really sorry Tom, but I really have to go in and your mum can’t get down here today but she’ll be here as soon as she can tomorrow, alright?”. Tommy takes a moment to resign to his fate before uttering a quick “alright dad, drive safe, love you”, and thus, the phone call ends and Tommy is alone with his thoughts once again. 

He quickly walks back over to Wilbur and Phil and the rest of them, they look at him with poorly hidden concern and are quick to reassure him that it’s totally fine for him to stay at Wilbur's tonight and that Phil was going to stay as well to make Tommy more comfortable. Tommy reassures them quickly that it’s totally fine and with a clearly forced smile, asks if they can have a movie night. They all chuckle and are quick to agree. However, it’s upon reaching the cafe that Tommy begins to understand how desperately he needs a breather as his chest is beginning to clamp and his vision has begun to blur. He quickly murmurs something about needing air, and about only being a moment before shoving his way past hoards of people and ripping off his mask as he leaves the front of the building. He stumbles his way to a bench just outside the front of the arcade, looking out at the ocean as he grabs at his chest and attempts to get a breath in. He squeezes his eyes shut as his ears fill with cotton wool and he seriously begins to worry that he’s going to pass out on this random bench in the middle of a place he’s never actually been to before with his dad probably already out of Brighton and unable to return. It’s then that he feels someone gripping his hands and he opens his eyes as tears leak out, a blurry looking Wilbur is crouched in front of him worriedly and upon turning his head to the side he notices Phil sitting next to him with a hand tentatively on his back, also looking as equally concerned as Wilbur. It’s upon seeing this concern, that Tommy collapses into Phil’s side, silent tears making their way down his face as he drags painful sounding breaths into his deprived lungs, Wilbur still gripping his hands. As his breathing begins to return to some semblance of normality, he can faintly hear Wilbur telling Phil and the others that his apartment is barely a 3-minute walk from where they are and that it would probably be better to talk to and continue to calm Tommy down there. As Wilbur lets go of his hands Tommy’s eyes subsequently shoot open as he scrambles to grasp a hold of one of the only things grounding him, Wilbur quickly grabs his hands again, and, seeing that Tommy’s eyes are open and his breathing is far calmer than it was before, he begins to speak; “Hey there big man, we’re gonna get you back to my apartment ok? It’s only like a 3-minute walk and then we can get you some water and actually talk about what caused this, alright? Is that okay with you?”. Tommy finds himself nodding his head and soon he’s letting go of Wilburs hands and standing up with Phil’s help, he eventually shakes off Phil and begins to walk, both Phil and Wilbur on either side of him, chatting over his head but clearly ready to help should he stumble. 

Eventually, after what felt like far more than 3 minutes of walking to Tommy, they arrive at Wilbur's front door and are all ushered in, Tommy being guided to a couch in the middle of a living room as Wilbur goes to show everyone around and to, Tommy guesses, get him a glass of water. Tommy simply stares at the floor, waiting for everyone to return and laugh at him for being such a child. He faintly hears footsteps and looks up as he sees Wilbur standing at the door with a glass of water; “why don’t you come chill in my room for a while so the rest can stay out here while you calm down a bit more?”. Tommy nods his head, stands, and follows Wilbur to what he assumes is his bedroom, where he sees Phil sitting on the edge of the bed on his phone, however, he quickly looks up upon hearing them and gestures to Wilburs comfy looking game chair, of which Tommy quickly takes, Wilbur joining Phil on the bed in front of him. He looks down at his hands and waits for one of them to say something, but when they don’t, he begins to talk. “I’m really sorry for all of this, it’s really stupid and I’m sure it’s the last thing you want at this meetup, I can probably find my way home on the tube or something or go to Toby’s or something. I’m really sorry for being so annoying and-”, “Tommy, breathe.” Wilbur interrupts his panic-induced spiel as he once again stops to slow his breathing. It’s Phil who speaks next; “Mate, we’re not mad at all. You just need to tell us what’s caused this so that we can try and help fix it, were you just nervous to meet everyone and it became too much? Is it because you have to stay here tonight? Because if need be, I can always get Kristin to drive you home, I’m sure she wouldn’t mind at all.” Tommy is confused. Tommy was sure that they would be mad. Tommy was sure that they would call him stupid and annoying. Wilbur interrupts his thinking; “come on Tommy, you’ve gotta talk to us”. Tommy snaps out of his head and for the first time in god knows how long, tells the truth. “I’m just confused”, he starts slowly, “whenever we would call, or stream together, you would always find me so annoying and childish, but now you’re letting me stay at your house? When you didn’t even want me to come to the meetup? I just don't understand.” If he was looking properly, he would have noticed Wilburs darkening features; “who told you I find you annoying and childish? I swear to god they’ll regret it”, Tommy quickly stops Wilbur, “you did Will, in Among Us and on Wednesday and a bunch more times that I can’t be bothered to name, I just, if you’re annoyed with me and want me to go, you just need to tell me so I can figure out a way to leave. I get it, really, I mean even Vikstar and Schlatt find me annoying so I can understand why you don't want me here, I won’t be upset I promise”. He notices Wilbur closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, Phil pretty much mirroring his actions minus the closed eyes. Wilbur speaks next; “Ok, fuck. Tommy, Tom, I don’t find you annoying. All those times were just stupid bits that I took too far, and Wednesday was just me trying to break the tension and I did it in a really stupid way and I shouldn’t have said any of those things and I’m really sorry. You’re not annoying, and even if you were, I’d put up with you anyway cause, god, excuse the mushiness, but you’re basically my little brother and the fact that I’ve been hurting you all this time kills me, I’m so fucking sorry. As for Vikstar and Schlatt, I know how hypocritical this must sound of me, but fuck them. You are worth so much more than their opinions and I know it must absolutely suck balls to have your idols say that kind of shit to you, but you’re worth so much more than that and you should choose new idols for treating you like that, and I know that includes me and for that, I am so, so sorry.” Tommy’s crying again. Wilburs just completely got rid of all of his fears, well, nowhere near complete, but hearing that he doesn’t annoy Wilbur really, is so much more relieving than he could have ever imagined. He faintly sees Phil nodding next to Wilbur but his face is quickly covered by Wilburs shoulder as he pulls Tommy into what can only be described as a brotherly hug. Tommy’s fears aren’t completely gone and he’s probably going to be a little nervous around the others but he’s happy enough right now that he doesn’t care all that much about later. And if Wilbur hears a tiny muttered “I love you” then it's nobody’s business but his own when he whispers it back. 

Phil doesn’t quite know how he gets himself into these situations. He’s in Wilburs apartment, in Brighton, on a couch, in a candlelit room as a shitty action film plays on the TV. Pizza boxes are scattered around the room along with empty soda bottles. Fundy and Niki are sharing a couch top to toe and he’s managed to claim an armchair to himself along with Kristen. The other, reasonably smaller couch has been claimed by Wilbur and Tommy, who are, if Phil says so himself, an adorable sight. They may as well be big brother is leaned into the side of the sofa with a far smaller looking may as well be little brother smushed against his side. Wilburs arm is holding Tommy against his side and they’re both fast asleep. Phil decides that he’d quite like to stay in this moment forever, but after snapping a few quick photos of the 2 for blackmail, reluctantly allows his eyes to close and finds himself joining his friends in dreamland, content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed my first work, feel free to comment with any requests or suggestions for MCYT based short stories. Have a great day. <3


End file.
